a secret message




I have a new friend. His name is Dad.

It's been interesting to note how our relationship has changed over the years, and with fathers day fast approaching, it's something I've been thinking about even more.

age 0 - 8

Dad was my idol. I remember (or have seen many pictures and created memories around them) waking up at 4 am, driving into Holladay to pick up grandpa and the grandmother packed lunches and then hauling everything up to strawberry. Dad only caught HUGE fish, and I idolized how smart he seemed to be. He knew that answer to everything, and I often questioned him about all things biology, and he answered, even when my grandpa insisted that I stop making so much noise "the fish have ears!" dad = smart grandpa= too smart.

I also remember Star Trek, Jazz games, Trail Side and Nova. Though I see him reading and playing the guitar in all his free time now, there once was a time when Dad watched TV, and these were the DAD shows. I watched with him, and asked endless questions there too about time travel, and the greatest basketball plays. He made me feel as smart as he was, and always encouraged me to learn as much as I could.

age 8 -15

Dad was still smart, and fun to talk to, but later on we got into arguments, most of which were actually carried out in my head, because I just KNEW what he would say. Looking back he was just protective of a first daughter, and tried to do what a righteous father should, but it did get old being told to come home at 5, for dinner, and that I should just play with my brothers for the rest of the night, not my friends. And I remember that ONE time (for it surely only happened once) that I told my parents there would only be girls at the party, when in actuality there were plenty of boys. (I was 15 by the way, not 8) My dad ended up picking me up when I'd been out too long and hadn't phoned home. He didn't say anything about the boys, he didn't say anything at all. And I knew what he was thinking, and I knew I'd never lie again, because my Dad was one of those dad's who just expected the best and you knew it.

I remember all the soccer games, and even a couple basketball :) He came and would give me the full breakdown of the game afterwards as only a coach could. He wanted me to be the best, and he told me how it could happen, and encouraged me to work as hard as he did. I didn't wind up with an athletic scholarship to BYU like he did, but now with dance paying my way, I'd like to think it's making him proud to finally see my hard work pay off.

age 16 - 19

DAD was my dad, and Bishop, and the biology teacher at school. I couldn't escape. And I loved it. My Dad was one of the cool teachers at school, and though many of the boys were intimidated at best, they asked me out anyway, so it all worked out. I'll never forget the time Jeff got me home 10 minutes late and had to run laps the next morning at practice. Ha Ha!! My Dad treated me like gold, and expected everyone else to do the same. :)

I always admired the way my Dad would compartmentalize all of his responsibilities. He didn't like to lose, but he didn't bring the disappointment home. I knew being a bishop had its rough nights, and he was gone a lot, at least that's what I'm told...but I think the time he was at home was always so quality, that I never got a chance to miss him. He was DAD whenever you needed him to be. Tossing a ball in the backyard, taking a walk on the boulevard late on a Sunday. Sure there were times I totally resented early curfews and the general overprotective attitude, but I knew it was just because He loved me and was trying to do his best at the whole father thing.

I remember one picture so clearly. Him a proud and smiling father, me, smiling in a gown having just finished Jr. Miss UTAH. I remember thinking I had the best dad in the world, one who encouraged me in all the sports, but who also sat through all the girly ballet recitals and who now endure long pageant competitions. I remember him rolling his eyes and helping me to keep a level head through all of it, I loved him for that.

age 19 - 22

Something totally changed the day I moved to college. My Dad will always be my dad, but suddenly he was more my friend. He'd only solicit advice when I'd ask for it, and often he ask me for advice as well. I remember calling him, telling him my issues with boys, and he'd always have level headed advice, and would often side with the guys!! but only when he knew I was just being a girl and things needed time. He knew how to see issues clearly, and was always kind in trying to help me see things clearly too.

I've appreciated that attitude so much. It was scary at first. My parents let go of the reigns and basically told me I was on my own, both monetarily and in all of my decisions. They were always there to support, and I could ask for advice, but they were not about the tell me what to do anymore. Becoming financially independent so early on was the best gift my parents ever gave to me. I had to struggle and figure it out, but I made it. And I'll never forget the phone call with my dad, he said he was so proud of how I'd made it paying my way through college, no compliment has ever meant so much.

I love how my dad has treated Robby. Taking him fly fishing in Oregon, picking up the guitar and asking for lessons, and teasing him like one of his own. I loved too that not so long ago my dad asked Robby for a priesthood blessing. There relationship is steadily growing and it means so much to me.


Just a few nights ago I was home, and my dad was excited to have me read a chapter in the latest Scousen book he was re-reading. All about the moons and earths origins and the religious ties in such a subject, my dad was anxious to ask my opinion and share with me all he'd been learning. I realized in that moment where I'd gotten my love for learning, a love Robby comments on frequently, it's my Dad. And in that moment he paid me a huge compliment as my dad asked me my opinions on the matter, and as our conversation turned more religious he shared his thoughts, and asked for mine. My Dad is smart, and he makes me feel just as intelligent as we have those kind of conversations that aren't so Parent to Child, but are very much Father to Daughter. I felt respected, but gained so much more respect for a father I love so dearly.

Happy fathers day Dad. I hope you know I think you're the greatest.


the other

it's recently come to my attention that some read this blog, but not the other, so as way of late introduction...


why do I have 2? who knows. supposidly the other is for events, this one is more what on my mind... Pretty soon I'll probably just choose one, but until then, happy reading :)


no, we're not thinking about it, but i did want to shout out to everyone else that is.

Congrats to:

Bethany and Thomas
Jesse and Stephanie
Lyndsay and Russel
Justin and Sarah
and now
Janneke and Danny

wahoo, so many folkdance babies. Congrats again all you cute mother's and father's to be. I'm excited for you!



woke up at 6 am, still jet lagged, but I decided I love China Jet Lag. I'm exhausted at 10, and I wake up on my own at 5 or 6. It starts my day beautifully.

It's Sunday here in Beijing. We were planning on meeting in an ex patriot branch today, but the BYU business group is here too, and the numbers of our combined groups would have overwhelmed the branch, so we had sacrament meeting in the hallway of our hotel. It was a little scary since we could be in big trouble having a religous meeting that wasn't contained in a room... but there were doors to the hallway that we closed, so technically... :)

I love changing things up. Sacrament can become so repetative week after week, that I often miss the spirit of the sacred ordinance. Having the sacrament among close friends, in a hotel hallway, in China, definitely changed the repetition, and I focused.

Today I thought a lot about the actual prayer that is said, and I was caught up in a detail contained in the first few lines... " to the souls of ALL....." Obviously there are conditions for the blessings from our heavenly father, but those conditions lie upon us individually. We ALL are promised the opportunity, whether in this life or the next, to hear and be taught the gospel of Jesus Christ. We ALL can have the blessing of baptism, to have the spirit of Christ with us, to take His name upon us and become His.

This became important as I thought of the many people in China who do not yet have the full blessings of the gospel, or even the opportunity to hear and choose to accept or reject this message.

I believe in a true and just God, one who loves all of his children, and with that knowledge, I know that one day the people of China will be taught and given the choice. They too will have the opportunity of accepting the gospel.

Mike Hinkley poinently described the love that a particular chineese couple must have for their one son. The government will only pay for the education of one child per couple in china, thus many couples choose to only have one child. As Mike talked (or tried to talk) to a couple after one of our shows, they kept showing Mike their son, and it struck him how proud they are of this ONE and only son, how they would do anything and everything for him.

I thought about that love of the one, and remembered a talk from a few months ago.

I remember a time I my life when I wasn't sure if I mattered, if I was a One that HE somehow wasn't aware of, or that maybe I didn't deserve Him to really know me.

Many of us probably have times like this... but I know that He is aware of us, and proud of us, and loves us, even more than that chinese couple loves their son.

I don't fully understand that kind of love, but I believe in it... and I'm grateful that I'm reminded of it here in beautiful China.


and along with spring comes....

These pants fit too tight, and I want a new swimsuit.  I herby sentence myself to a state of limited sugar intake.  grapefruit and carrots, grapefruit and carrots. I can do this...


I'm heading to china, and my EBAY account proves it

I'm so excited!!! Classes are over in 7 days, which means READING DAYS. Contrary to popular belief, reading days are for studying. I believe in popular belief, and reading days are for doing what ever you wish you had done all semester long, and couldn't do at the expense of classes and craziness.