Today on Tour.....

-The truck broke down.
-WE got yelled at when taking pictures by an old barn.
-Rosie played vogue and modeled in front of an old orange car.
-Rapper sword DIED on stage, Ed ran to the dressing room, he couldn't watch.
- A horse sneezed on Katie
-Ron lost hope we'd ever gain control of our giggles.
-We ate, ice cream and spaghetti, and sour patch kids.
-Warm ups were out side in the warm SUN!!!
-Tracy hollered like Zina warrior princess.
-McCall and I went home to a house made by the government in the 1940's.
-Rustin and I did Choreographed a raptor dance, watch out Ed.
-Lucy (the family dog) is a pit bull, an she loves us :)
-There was no ripple bow in Irish!!!
-I got a pass-along card from a missionary watching the show. He wrote down his address. lamo, so lamo
-I tried to knit, and started over three times, Robby made fun of me.
-The hutsel girls 'wooooo'd' like excited mountain women and it rattled the lights.... wow.
-I met a girl from albania, who LOVED LOVED LOVED the show.
-We sang Colby callai and braided like mad.
-We laughed, and giggled, and couldn't control the happiness.
-We went through 47 bags of ice after the last show.

The last home game...

I'm a little bit obsessed with high school basketball. But when your dad is the head coach, grandpa assists, and all three three younger brothers are on the team, it kinda makes sense. I grew up watching my Dad coach the braves, but this year has been by far the best, a complete family ordeal.

My sisters, Mom, and grandma have our placed saved behind the team, we've sat there for years, and I mean 18 years.

I sat there last night, with a video camera in hand, watching Jordan play for the last time on the Bountiful court. It was so weird. Half time came faster than I thought it would, we were ahead, but I was holding back tears.

Now I know I'm a girl, but I wasn't just sad because this is the LAST game I'll see him play in (I'm out of town for the ENTIRE state tourney... arghh) but more because this season is ending, which means the school year is ending, which means my little bro is turning in the papers and leaving in June.

I'm excited for him, I really am, and there's no where else I'd rather have him, but wow, I'm going to miss him.


We've been so close, a lot more the last few years, all of a sudden he needed help with math homework and girls.... so he came to me :) I can't tell you how many story's I've heard about this girl or that basketball game, and I've loved them all. He's just a good kid, the best in my opinion. Honest, and so hardworking. On the court, in the yard, or late at night with a math book. And he's loyal, if there were one word to describe him its loyal. Loyal to his family, especially his bro's.... he's always got their back. And loyal to the truth of the Gospel he believes in so firmly. Its been crazy watching him prepare for his mission, he's really grown up a lot, its been amazing to watch.

So many people love Jordan, he's just a classic happy, hardworking, fun loving guy. And he's listened to his fair share of boy drama and math headache's from me :) ahhhhh, he's just so great, I think every sister should have a bro like him.

So last night he played like he does, solid and constant, never missing a beat. He ended up tying his career high with 24 points for the night, finished out the season 2nd in three point shooting, and walked out of the gym with a region title. He was all smiles with the beautiful cheerleader he's 'best friends' with, and it was picture perfect, so I cried... oh the lame older sister who loves her brother so much.

I got ridiculed at home that night. While we talked stats and looked up scores for the other high school games that night (a family ritual after every game), Chris nailed me with sappy sister jokes. bah, and then I started thinking about him, Chris is pretty amazing in his own right, thankfully I still have another season to watch him.

the heart attack...

words fail me. I will say this. These pictures were taken between 1:30 and 3 am. I'm such a good roommate.

p.s. the pics are out of order, you can fit it together though....

Happy SAD day

A charter school in the alpine school district declared february 14 as singles awareness day, officially banning all decorated mailboxes for the collection of red and pink heart shaped treats. It's true, ask annalisa.

Here's the thing.. I felt like it's been happy sad month. No i'm not referring to relationship status, honestly I just don't care that much, but that's just it. I don't care, about anything, and I've felt so happy, and so sad, and so frustrated, and I've driven the roommate crazy because I can't make up my mind about anything, and I can't fake it when she's around. Instead I get angry and push her away. I don't know what's wrong, I don't know what IT is. It's like it's that time of the month, all month long.

I was sick of pretending this week, so I didn't. When people asked, I told them I was fine, but I didn't act fine, yet I was sure I was. NO big deal, everything is just fine.

I didn't want to feel anything. Leave me in a garden state, where I'm neither happy nor sad. I can't fix it, or I'm afraid trying will make it worse. It hurts so much, so rather than try to be happy and risk the hurt that inevitably comes when you feel life at all, I decided to become calloused and hard, I didn't want to feel. anything.

In PAC we've been repeating this everyday. I was, am still sometimes, so hardened. I began asking an unseen power to do something, to wake me up and humble my heart, because I couldn't do it myself.

The last few days have brought something home to me, something I knew but didn't want to acknowledge. People care. A lot. I was asked at every turn how I was doing... but these people really meant it. I was rude, and blamed lack of sleep, or simply said it was nothing and walked away, but a few of these friends wouldn't leave me alone. Sometimes it was just a squeeze of the hand, or a look they gave me that said, "please call me, and I'm not just saying that"

I hated the attention, but it struck me how much I was really cared for, and loved... but I didn't want to feel that, so I did everything I could to shut it out.

This article came out in the newspaper of all light and truth for cougar students. I heard there was a little pow-wow in my behalf, discussing all of my 'symptoms.' At first I was angry with the ox, the roommate, and the artist sister. I was FINE, how many times did I have to say this, yell this, and cry this.

I wonder if they're right. I don't know. I can't write about all of my thoughts on that right now. I'm surprised I'm even writing this. I haven't wanted to write lately, not even in my journal. I haven't wanted to dance, or eat, or sing. I have done my homework, I won't fall there... it's easy to stay busy and productive in the math lab. Feeling don't have to happen there, numbers exist independent of human hearts.


Then Samwise shared a part of this. "And the simple truth is that we cannot be happy, nor saved, nor exalted, without one another." I cried. The hotness behind my eyes was too much. He noticed, and asked me about life later, I pushed him away like everyone else, but he had gotten through, for just a second he'd gotten through.

I was tired of feeling today, but it was hard to be mad with so much love in the air. Today I was aware of how connected I am, to so many people. The word single doesn't apply to humans. We depend on each other, we laugh and talk and cry, scream and yell, and someone is listening, so many people care.

I was on the ground sobbing today. If you asked why I couldn't tell you. The roommate was leaving to be with paulina, and then the artist sister called. She wanted to take me out to dinner. She cared.

Danger called after that, wanting to give me a ride to some v-day festivities. He cared.

Pujee smiled, and kissed my cheek, austi gave me a valentine, Mikie a chocolate kiss. They all loved me.

An e-mail from my sweet mother, a text from a brother, an amazing hug from a dear friend.

I feel, and right now that's ok.

a blue umbrella moment

I'm sick. And it turned out to be a blessing in the most unusual way. I decided to attend rehearsal, despite feeling completely gross. I didn't dance, I just watched, and blocked dances that I needed to. Somewhere between hutzel and Irish I fell in love with a moment.
Iridescent blue chineese umbrellas were twirling out of the right side of my vision as girls prepared for their next number. I noticed god's gift to Folk Dance (GGFD) goofing off with the ox marriott, dancing like dorks, as usual. The band set an enchanting background with a hungarian piece that pulled all of the moments into one. I was smiling. I loved these people surrounding me. I loved saraaaar, and noticed her watching me. I love matty, and his leaps across the floor. I loved watching my sweat sister putting away her indian costume. I loved all of these people and I realized I would miss them. So for now i will be content to soak in all of these moments, loving them all, sick or not.

a crisis of foundation

Originally mathematical ideas were based the physical world, specifically that of geometry. The Greeks, Egyptians, and Pythagoreans measured and used number in a practical and tangible sense. The number 2 'existed' as 2 units of length, maybe the side of a triangle, or the length of a column. Well imagine the pythagoreans disappointment when they stumbled upon the idea of the square root of 2. We know this number to be irrational. The way they discovered the problem was when they split a perfect square into two right angled triangles. If each side length was 1 unit, then the hypotenuse of the triangle should be the square root of 2 units in length, there, they drew it, it must exist. Yet when you try to split the number 1 into even pieces, lets say 5. You can't split the square root of 2 the same way, in fact there is no way to split the square root of 2 evenly. Impossible, but true, such is the case with all irrational numbers. Their values go on and on in the decimal world at infinitum.

Euclids geometry also ran into contradictions. For century's mathematicians have tried to prove that if two lines bisect a third line, and if the angles made add to a number less than 180, then the two bisecting lines must intersect at some other point, in other words, they are not parallel. It seems so obvious it should not be an assumption, but a hard fact that can be proved, yet no one can. Lambert tried, but a proof by contradiction later all he came up with was a famous picture called lamberts rectangle.


So, we can't base mathematics in geometry like we thought, there are too many things left unexplained.

Then the smart guys turned to algebra, and straight numbers for numbers sake. Turns out there's a contradiction here to, but I'll spare you the details.

They tried set theory, and the world of abstract algebra, but there were still mathematical ideas that escaped these axioms and proofs. Like this one... "the set of all sets that don't contain themselves" its a pure paradox.

Then logic, logic must be the answer.... nope even after the book Principa Mathematica was written... a book so complex and precisely defined that it took some 6oo pages for the authors to finally assert that 1 plus 1 does in fact equal 2. Well even this book contained an error, a loop hole that missed some critical information.


So the search for a true foundation for mathematics continues. And while the saga continues, most mathematicians, especially those in the applied realms, turn a blind eye to the predicament, because math still models everyday occurences. Engineers still build bridges, using geometry, actuaries still calculate complex algorithms to predict losses for big businesses, professors still cram the ideas of null sets, convergence theorems, and isomorphic relations into the brains of their pupils, and children still count using their fingers, effectively demonstrating the use of abstraction by the time they are 3 years old. Math still goes on, even when no solid foundation exists.

These thoughts led to others...

What other fields claim to have sure foundations? Science claims to find truth, but only in things tangible and earthly, or at least physical. Yet they model perfect situations that can in no way be tangible... have you ever seen a physics rope in real life? No weight, no friction.... ya, didn't think so. Chemists use imaginary numbers to calculate complex equations, but when it comes down to the actual chemicals, no imaginary numbers are actually used. Then there are the Humanities and Social Sciences. I don't know what they claim to be their foundation, but I'm sure whatever it is changes with the opinion of the professor, or teacher year to year. And we all know the foundation of english is the fact that every rule has an exception, which is a contradictory statement in and of itself! So does any area of study really have a true 'foundation' or building block on which all elements of the field can be derived and explained from? And who really cares anyway? Just the crazed, perfect model seekers called mathematicians probably.

And then I thought about religion. My religion specifically, and the truths I hold to be pure knowledge and wisdom. I remember a time when I was frustrated with the blanket statement that covers everything. If we don't know it, its not because it isn't, it's because we can't, or shouldn't know.... yet. There's always that yet, because with faith and diligence, knowledge of all things must surely be attainable. Faith. Faith is the foundation upon which all truth, light and knowledge builds. That I believe.

A foundation as shaky or as sure as the individual.

chocolate things I ate today...

cookies, 8
brownies, 1
hot beverage, 0
icecream scoops, 1/2
mints, 4


I'm bad on sundays.
and I'd do it again.