a matter of choice

mando player and I were talking about happiness tonight, the idea, the details, the choice, or the involuntary state of being. It seems like like such and easy thought, happy. It's simple... right?

Or is it.

Happiness is...

-finishing a test you've studied your heart out for, regardless of outcome
-finding an Easter basket form your sweet mother at home when you get there
-having a little brother who texts you for your advice, a lot.
-finding a packet of oatmeal in you backpack that can provide sustenance
-having a roommate who cares about where you are, and what you're doing
- starting up the motorcycle on a morning that's warm enough to let you enjoy it...with someone else if you're lucky
-sleeping in and waking to rainy clouds that hug the mountains and shrink the world, nesting it in a safe haven that catches all of you warm, unabashed thoughts as they float lazily and dreamily through your half conscious and sleepy mind
-finding time to read your scriptures, knowing that they are more important in the long run than any math assignment
-seeing an old friend and remembering their dogs name
-being complimented by a classmate on a presentation you spent hours on, and one you weren't that confident of
-finding a surprise text message
-singing a song, loudly, and secretly hoping someone heard you
-dancing in the moonlight, or sunlight, or no light at all.


I was happy this week. I decided to be. In three of the past four nights I found my bed after 2am. I've had projects, and test, and other crazy time sucking demands in my life. I decided Monday that rather than have a week of stress that weighed me down, I would have a week of adventure, and I challenged myself to keep a positive attitude and a smile on my face through it all.

I did it.

It's been a grand adventure, and as I relayed the weeks event to my classy and beautiful mother, she asked me why I was happy, and why I was still awake.

It was a choice, but during so many parts of my week the happiness felt involuntary. I wonder how much one effects the other, the choice and the surmounting, seemingly choice-less happiness.

A wise girl once reminded me of a commandment we often over look. Be cheerful. Decide for that to be a part of you who are. Or fake it till you make it. Its surprising how far a little acting can go.

Men are that they might have joy. We are here to find happiness. Happiness is aligning your own will with that of a higher power.

"when I obey, I'm happy all day" my great aunt brainwashed me with this trite phrase when I was a young 'sponge' soaking in anything and everything. When I make a choice, I find myself happier. When I choose to be happy, happiness finds me, and I am swept away involuntarily into a world of better, and good, joy and happiness.

Is it really that simple? Do people make me happy? Do certain people make me happy? My initial answer is yes, yes of course. I wonder still how much that happiness, even the happiness evoked from anther's presence, is still a part of our choice, conscious or not.

I wonder, and I think, I pause and I stop. All I know is that I am happy. And I choose to stay that way for a while.